A Good and True Love

By Paul M. Gould

One of my favorite chapters in my latest book, A Good and True Story, is the chapter on love. Writing that chapter gave me a chance to think deeply about love as a concept and also about the people and things I love. My favorite characterization of love is from Joseph Pieper. He says that love is the fundamental affirmation: “I’m glad you exist. I’m glad you are.” I love this. This seems right. I also had the chance, in researching that chapter, to look at the contemporary literature on love. As expected, it is rich and interesting. Perhaps surprisingly, I concluded that the contemporary accounts were less satisfying than the 13^th-century monk Thomas Aquinas’s answer. For Aquinas, love is two desires: the desire for union with the beloved and the desire for the well-being of the beloved. This also seems right. And this seems to be the kind of love I have for others and experience from others. Finally, in that chapter, I gave an argument from love to God: on theism, it is not surprising that love (as defined by Aquinas) exists and on naturalism it is surprising. Thus, the existence of love provides evidence for theism. (I’m moving fast and summarizing, but this is the gist.)

Now that Valentine’s Day is upon us, love is in the news and on our minds. So, we thought it would be a good idea at The Worldview Bulletin to write a bit on love. For my contribution to these efforts, I want to review five features of love that I noted in my chapter and comment on them as we think about Valentine’s Day and our loved ones. The five things I notice when I gaze at love are that it is multi-dimensional, complex, deep and enduring, active and passive, and valuable. Let’s consider each feature of love and how we can love well in this season and in our lives.

First, love is multi-dimensional. We can love many different people, things, and activities. I love God, my wife and children, my parents and siblings. I love my friends. I love playing tennis, reading a good book, enjoying a meaningful conversation, and engaging in philosophical debates. And I love Twinkies (ok, I just like them): I love Mac and Cheese, Key Lime pie, and my mom’s chili. This multi-dimensionality of love reminds me that I am a creature driven by my loves and passions: my love of others, my love of adventure, and my love of certain things in life. I’m also reminded of the fact that I’m called to love all these people and things in their proper order. This is part of the divine love command: we are to love God supremely, and love others, including ourselves, secondly. My encouragement to you this month is to seek meaningful ways to connect with those you love and to spur them on to wholeness and flourishing. When it comes to the things and activities you love, connect them to the people you love: consider taking your spouse or significant other on a date, doing activities you love, and enjoying things along the way. Seek to connect and bless in all the ways that God has made you and in all the ways you are called to love.

Second, love is complex. C. S. Lewis writes of Four Loves: affection, friendship, sexual, and unconditional love. These kinds of love remind me that I’m called to love all people but to love in ways appropriate to the “office” of love in view. I love my wife in all of these ways, in my best moments. I’ve been thinking lately about unconditional love. This is the kind of love, we are told, that God has for us. And it is the kind of love we are to show to each other. I’ve been thinking about this as I relate to my High School and college-age kids, my wife, and my aging parents and parent-in-law. Relationships can be challenging. Life can be difficult. But we are called to relentlessly pursue the good, and the well-being of others. This is Christ’s example. May it be our goal this month as we interact with those around us.

Third, love is deep and enduring. This idea is connected to the previous one. Love is one of the most amazing features of our world. Why is there love? Even more: why is it deep and enduring in the best of our relationships? All of this is suggestive of a deeper truth: Love is deep and abiding because it is a fundamental feature of reality. It is rock bottom. And of course, this is what we find in the Christian story: God is love and we love because he first loved us.

Fourth, love is active and passive. Love calls us to serve others. It limits my freedom, and my availability to do what I want, so I can work to connect and bless the beloved. This might look like me doing the dishes, picking up dinner, or just letting someone else pick the show on television. It always requires of us a kind of surrender to self for the good of the other. Love is also passive: it isn’t something I reason to. I just love my kids and family. This is an interesting feature of love. It moves me and I’m moved by it.

Finally, love is a deep value. A world without love is a harsh and cold world. Our world is better because of love. It is easy to be discouraged when I watch the news and see all the evil humans do to each other. It is difficult when I see all the unloving things I do to others in my own life (and often in my own heart). This last feature reminds me of how great love is: it moves the stars (for Dante and the ancients) and it is the ground of reality (in the Christian story). It is that which spurs God to create and to send his Son to die in our place. And it is love that I am called to follow as I seek to love God and others. May you reflect on the deep value of love this month. 

— Paul M. Gould is an Associate Professor of Philosophy of Religion and Director of the M.A. Philosophy of Religion program at Palm Beach Atlantic University. He is the author or editor of ten scholarly and popular-level books including A Good and True Story, Cultural Apologetics, Philosophy: A Christian Introduction, and The Story of the Cosmos. He has been a visiting scholar at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School’s Henry Center, working on the intersection of science and faith, and is the founder and president of the Two Tasks Institute. You can find out more about Dr. Gould and his work at Paul Gould.com and the Two Tasks Institute. He is married to Ethel and has four children.

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