The Apologetics of Hospitality

By Lindsey Medenwaldt

One simple way to confidently share your faith through love is to show hospitality toward your neighbors. You might be thinking to yourself, especially if you’re female, that this is about to become a lecture about how to welcome people into your home. No, there are already excellent books on the topic. You might also be quietly panicking on the inside (please don’t toss this book across the room) because you can’t imagine inviting people over. Relax, and don’t throw hospitality out the window because you think it’s old fashioned or only for women. Hospitality is a wonderful way to open your arms and serve others well.

While we were in seminary, [my husband] Jay and I had the great privilege of getting to know Gordon and Gail MacDonald. Their apartment was right across from ours, and when they were in town, they always selected one evening during their visit to invite us over for dessert and coffee. I will treasure those moments forever because the MacDonalds took the time to get to know us and encourage us. They often shared with us how they interacted with, prayed for, and cared for others. Their apartment was always stocked with coffee and tea because sometimes their visitors didn’t like coffee. And over pie and warm drinks, Jay and I learned about hospitality.

. . . Each time we visited, the MacDonalds asked about things we had talked about during prior visits. After we left, they took notes in their journals so that they could continue to pray for us while they were away. And their hospitality extended beyond the walls of their apartment—we received many handwritten notes from them, and we continue to receive emails to check in on us. Hospitality can enrich the lives of the people around us, and it helps create a place where conversation and genuine relationship are not only imagined but experienced.

Rosaria Butterfield recently wrote a book titled The Gospel Comes with a House Key, in which she chronicles how hospitality shifted her worldview. She was an outspoken lesbian when Ken and Floy Smith, a pastor and his wife, invited her over for dinner. She had plans to learn from them, but not in a Christian sense. Rosaria initially thought of her visits to their home as an opportunity to gain inside information about Christians—she called it “the cult house” to her friends. She was going to use what she learned from them against them and other Christians.

Eventually, however, Ken and Floy’s sincere kindness chipped away at the barriers Rosaria had set up against them. She was fed both spiritually and physically in their home. She felt safe enough to share honestly and openly with them. And she did this despite the fact that Ken told her they accepted her but did not approve of her actions in life. There’s a distinction, in other words, between love and affirmation of sin. Ken and Floy persisted in their love toward Rosaria but never wavered on the truth. This is what Francis Schaeffer referred to as part of the evidence of Christianity in one’s life in The Mark of the Christian: “So often people think that Christianity is only something soft, only a kind of gooey love that loves evil equally with good,” he wrote. “This is not the biblical position. The holiness of God is to be exhibited simultaneously with love.” Ultimately, Butterfield’s life was radically transformed due to, at least in part, the Smiths’s faithfulness to hospitality, love, and truth.

. . . Ask Good Questions

Andy Bannister’s book How to Talk About Jesus Without Looking Like an Idiot cuts to the heart of a lot of our worries—we don’t talk about our faith because we don’t want to look dumb to our friends. Bannister outlines the power of good questions, using the basics you probably learned in grade school: what, why, whether, and other wondering questions. The good news is that questions can help with that by taking the load off our shoulders and putting the ball in the other person’s court. You may be thinking that it’s not that simple, but truly, it is. Remember, people enjoy talking about themselves.

A few years ago, I was traveling to Los Angeles for a conference. Armed with a Coke and a book, I settled in for the flight. Then the lady next to me asked me if I was a Scientologist. Perhaps she was prompted by the book I was reading (a book clearly about Scientology based on its title), and she was probably unimpeded to ask the question because I didn’t have any headphones on. Of course, I told her no and let her know I was a Christian, and almost immediately after she asked if I was a Scientologist, I turned the tables and asked her about her own faith.

For the next two hours, she and I talked about religion, philosophy, cults, California weather, and more. It was a give-and-take situation. Her boldness led to a lovely conversation that sparked my interest and hers. We were connected that day, even though we’ll probably never see each other again. And yet, seeds were planted, in my life and probably in hers. I often think about her willingness to enter the potential fray by asking a question about my faith. Sometimes we’re held back because we’re afraid we’ll offend someone with a question. But rarely are people upset when we ask them questions about themselves, and then often, they want to learn more about us in return.

So what kinds of questions can we ask? Here are a few suggestions:

• What do you believe about faith and spirituality?

• Do you believe there is a God? If so, what’s His role?

• What do you think happens when we die?

• What is sin, and how does it affect humanity?

• How do you find joy?

• Where does your hope come from?

Now, these questions are philosophical and in some ways quite heady. It is probably best to let the conversation guide you as far as specific questions to ask. For example, if you’re on a plane going through turbulence, that’s probably not the time to ask about death and eternity, but it could be a good opportunity to ask what brings that person joy or hope.

If you ask questions, you can almost guarantee that you will also be asked questions. Here are some that could arise about your faith while you’re bridge building:

• How do you know the Bible is true?

• Should we take the Bible seriously?

• Why did you become a Christian?

• Where does your hope come from?

• Why does it matter whether we go to church?

• If God is all good, why is there evil in the world?

You’ll notice some overlap between the first set of questions and the next, and of course, there could be even more similarities in the conversations you have with others. It depends on the context of your discussions. You should at least be familiar with the questions you could get asked about your beliefs, and if you can’t answer the questions, go to some recommended resources that can help you. It is extremely likely that no one will expect you to have all the answers, especially if you approach the talk with humility and kindness. Unless you’re participating in a debate, you probably won’t need to worry too much about hostility.

Speaking of kindness, I think it is a brick in and of itself. Be known for your kindness and generosity. Don’t seek recognition for it, but instead, give the glory to Christ for instilling His character within you and for being the model you follow. Kindness will break through barriers when nothing else will. Don’t underestimate its usefulness in bridge building.

Courage also plays a role in bridge building. It takes courage to put yourself out there. That is probably a key factor as to why evangelistic activity is at such a low in the US. A 2016 Lifeway Research poll found that although 47 percent of unchurched Americans said they would be willing to speak openly about their beliefs with others, only 29 percent said that a Christian had ever shared the gospel with them. A survey from Jesus Film Project found that 22 percent of respondents didn’t share their faith because they were afraid to, and 10 percent didn’t feel equipped. Be encouraged by the fact most people will not be offended if you share your faith with them, especially if there is a preexisting relationship. Be bold, brave, sincere, and kind.

— Lindsey Medenwaldt (MA, JD, MPA) is the director of ministry operations at Mama Bear Apologetics and an adjunct professor at Northwestern College in Iowa. She engages extensively on the topics of apologetics and worldview as a writer, editor, teacher, and speaker. Lindsey and her husband, Jay, live in Iowa along with their daughters.

Photo by Askar Abayev

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Excerpted from Bridge-Building Apologetics: How to Get Along Even When We Disagree by Lindsey Medenwaldt (Harvest House Publishers, 2024). Used by permission.

“After decades of experience in apologetics, I often lament that so many unbelievers are ignorant of apologetics because Christians often lack the intellectual and relational skills needed to bring the case for Christianity to unbelievers. This book is a welcome and much-needed antidote to that problem. Through its use of Scripture, personal experiences, culture, and apologetic savvy, Bridge-Building Apologetics equips Christians to 'contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints' (Jude 3 ESV).”
— Douglas Groothuis, University Research Professor of Apologetics and Christian Worldview at Cornerstone University; author of Christian Apologetics: A Comprehensive Case for Biblical Faith

“Lindsey delivers a timely message full of creative examples to help us see every person as God's image bearers who deserve to hear the truth with gentleness and respect. Connecting the head and the heart, Bridge-Building Apologetics will encourage you to evaluate your approach to evangelism and apologetics with humility.”
— Rachel Shockey, president of Women in Apologetics

Find Bridge-Building Apologetics at Harvest House, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christianbook.com, and other booksellers.

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